The gifts that weren’t there under the tree

The stockings have been cleaned out, and everything under the tree has been opened. Unless one of those gifts got mistakenly mixed into the trash bag while cleaning up the wrapping paper, you know what you got for Christmas.

And what you didn’t get.

Here are a few items from the sports world that may still be deep in Santa’s bag or on the elves’ workshop floor. Maybe, if we behave, we’ll get them next year.

When will we hear from him? Actually hear from him.

A public apology from Tiger Woods

Even though the story is as stale as the fruitcake your boss got you will soon be, none of us has heard from Woods.

Oh sure, we all got the web site post, but let’s face it, not a whole lot of heart goes into something like that.

Think about it — what’s easier to do: apologize to a friend in an e-mail or in person?

Exactly.

Besides, the man’s wife deserves it.

Oh well.

A new bowl game for North Carolina

True, it wasn’t that long ago that Tar Heels’ fans distanced themselves from college football talk altogether, but a third trip to the Meineke Bowl in six years doesn’t do much to get fans — or players — excited.

Of course, the Heels have no one to blame but themselves (and the Gator Bowl for rolling over for Bobby Bowden). After wins over Virginia Tech, Miami and BC, UNC fans got to thinking that maybe a bigger bowl was in the offing. But then the Heels lost to N.C. State, reminding everyone that this was indeed still the same team that somehow lost to Virginia and collapsed to FSU.

Remember the Tiger Woods commercial “I AM Tiger Woods”? Well, North Carolina football IS the Meineke Bowl.

At least for now.

By the way, it’d be nice to at least win the game once.

He loves him some him.

Humility for Brett Favre

Yeah, right. Mother Teresa wouldn’t have been able to score this gift.

Favre’s ego is probably part of what makes him great, but now he’s having another tiff with a coach, and all of a sudden the Minnesota Vikings’ season is dangling on a cliff.

It’s true that a lot of Favre’s audibles at the line — usurping coach Brad Childress’ original calls — have worked. But the Vikings and Favre seem to be wearing down as the season closes, and all those thread-the-needle passes aren’t working so much anymore. Childress can see it, and he knows the Vikes have to run the ball to win in the playoffs.

And apparently they’ve got a pretty good running back, but one who hasn’t been the same since No. 4 showed up. You can bet, though, that Brett doesn’t notice.

Just one, please...

A World Series for the Chicago Cubs.

I need to be Mother Teresa-good, don’t I? Da…, I mean, darn.

You have to do it, too, Floyd...

Man-up Manny

Floyd Mayweather Jr. wants Manny Pacquiao to take an Olympic-style drug test before agreeing to a megafight. Pacquiao, who’s won an unprecedented seven belts from flyweight to welterweight (a 40-pound range in about 10 years), is balking, saying he will take a test administered like they do in MLB or the NFL.

This will likely all blow over — there’s too much money at stake for this fight not to happen — but it’s a sign of the times. While Pac-Man has never really gained more than 3-4 pounds per year over the decade, and while it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Pretty Boy Floyd is just flexing his will for some form of gamesmanship, this is how sport is now. We will never again take astonishing athletic achievement at face value ever again.

So now Pac-Man is threatening a defamation lawsuit and Mayweather says the fight won’t go off without the testing.

You know what? Just do the testing, the both of you, and make us all believe again — even if it is for just one night.

He's living in the weight room, right?

Toughness milkshakes

Send these to Chapel Hill. Ed Davis, John Henson and Tyler Zeller need to bulk up and be more physical if the Heels are going to contend for anything this year.

Can you make a Rachel Mii?

Wii Tiger Woods 2010

Got the game for Christmas. It’s outstanding. You can create a player, rise through the ranks and beat the pros, even Tiger.

I’m thinking Rachel Uchitel or Jamie Grubbs.

Or maybe Elin.

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Filed under Alex Podlogar, Boxing, Brett Favre, Chicago Cubs, College Basketball, Designated Hitter, Golf, North Carolina Tar Heels, PGA Tour, Sports, Sports columns, Steroids, Steroids in sports, The Sanford Herald, Tiger Woods, UNC Tar Heels

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