An idiot and the Super Bowl

Anybody who has read my column over the last few years knows at least two things:

1). I an a huge Chicago Cubs fan.

2). I am a colossal idiot.

My hope is that these two things are mutuallyexclusive and that my idiotdom is not a direct result of mindlessly falling in love with all things Harry Caray and the Cubbies at the ripe old age of 9, the year my parents got cable and I got WGN and Cubs games at 2:20 p.m. every day in the summer. And quite frankly, I’m sure people could make the argument — and make it well — both ways.

In today’s Designated Hitter column in The Sanford Herald, I attempted at making a comparison between the New England Patriots of 2008 and the St. Louis Rams of 2001. If  you remember, the Rams were “The Greatest Show on Turf” and few thought the upstart Patriots with some kid named Brady at quarterback would ever have a chance.

To me, it’s interesting that in seven short years, the roles have changed significantly for the Pats, who are on the brink of completing an entire season unbeaten. Now it’s the Pats with the juggernaut of an offense, a surly coach on the sidelines and the best QB in the league. And they’re facing a Giants team with a young, inconsistent QB under center, a coach thought of as good, but not great and one that is a two-touchdown underdog.

So of course, in my writing of the coumn, at the end, where my big reveal (I sound like Paige Davis) comes, I refer to Super Bowl XXXVI as Super Bowl XXVI, or 26. I do know that the Giants and Pats are playing today, and not the Redskins and Bills. What I apparently don’t know are my Roman numerals. 

What an idiot.

 It was a mistake, and a major one in my mind, one that has bothered me all day and one that will bother me for a while. But that’s the price one pays for such mental ineptitude.

PREDICTION: My column follows this, with the necessary correction. Anyway, even after writing this column and my belief that anything can, and often does happen in this thing we call sports, I still see the Pats covering the 12 and the hook. In fact, on the fast track indoors in Phoenix, I think we’re going to see the Pats of Week 7 when they were destroying everybody. Athough teams who have played New England a second time this season have performed better the second time around, I see Bill Belichick getting a huge boost for having seen the Giants once already. Pats in a walk.

SCORE: Pats 41, Giants 17

Here’s the column:

Another Super Bowl blowout?

No chance.

None.

If you think there’s going to be a Super Bowl upset today, you’re crazy.

Ain’t gonna happen. No way, no how.

Stop it. Don’t play the spread with me, either. No such thing as moral victories in the Super Bowl. Want to beat the spread and feel good? That’s fine. But these teams aren’t here to fight for moral victories. Somebody said it once. You play… to win… the game! Darn right.

But only one team can hold the Lombardi trophy after the game. Only one can claim its rightful place as World Champions. Only one will be remembered for all-time.

And we all know which team that will be.

Just look at the numbers. They’re staggering.

And you know what? You don’t even have to look at all of the numbers. Just look at the offensive side of the ball. This thing is a mismatch of the most lopsided kind. Sure, kick it off. Kick it off and say good night. This game is already over.

Must I say it again? OK, I will.

No chance.

Look at it. Just take a look. Doesn’t even have to be a long, hard look. A quick look will suffice. A glance. That’s all you need.

Look at those offensive numbers. This is a powerhouse, man. This isn’t a football team, this is an event. This is history.

This is over.

More than 6,500 yards of total offense this season. Are you kidding me? More than six yards per play? Per play?! No wonder they convert all those third downs, the few they have. More than 500 points in a single season? Good Lord.

And what about the quarterback. Yeah, you know, the MVP of the league. Not too shabby. Great offensive line in front of him, sure, but look at those throws. Nothing like averaging more than 300 yards passing per game. Per game! Think somebody, anybody, is going to stop that after it’s been rolling unimpeded for 19 weeks? Yeah, right.

And the receivers. Oh my Lord. They’re everywhere, including a Hall of Famer hauling in anything close to him. A lot of the stuff is perfect timing, but even the slot receiver can kill you, and often does.

And of you stop them — check that — if you slow them down a little, they’ll just hit the running back out of the backfield. Boom, another six easy yards. Check down, move the chains. Simple game for these guys.

Oh, OK, so you insist on looking at the other side of the ball. Fine. Take a look. See it? Yeah, they give up just 230-some yards a game. Around 15 points or so a game. Good luck catching up.

Yeah, this thing is over. Hope the commercials are good, ’cause the game won’t be.

Another Super Bowl blowout. Just like when the Niners and Cowboys were destroying everybody. Get ready for more of the same.

I’ll say it again. No chance. It’s over. Been over. We’re looking at one of the greatest teams of all-time, and they sure as heck aren’t going to lose now.

Not in Super Bowl XXXVI. Not these St. Louis Rams. Not the Greatest Show on Turf.

The New England Patriots have no shot against a team like this.

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2 Comments

Filed under Chicago Cubs, NFL, Sports, Sports columns, The Sanford Herald

2 responses to “An idiot and the Super Bowl

  1. landy

    The Giants are going to win!!
    not only are they a better team, but it has been preordained by God…
    see:
    http://www.rubberchickencards.com/content.php/action/play_card/id/687/

  2. Craig

    Hey Alex, this was a great column. PS – Darn you for jinxing it.

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